Monday, 23 August 2010

You've got to Sleep...

I went to bed pretty late, 2am actually, tossed and turned for a while and then finally drifted off. 4am 'PING'. I was awake again after a disturbing dream about something from my past that I haven't though about in goodness knows how long. I tried not to think about it and to get back to sleep, but then other things from my past came to mind and disturbed me too.

People tell me "you have to learn to relax", "you have to get some rest", "TRY to sleep". Well dang it, I'm 38 years old and have had trouble sleeping for as long as I can remember, and, I've tried just about everything there is to TRY to sleep. So if it were possible for me to sleep like a 'normal' person, then I think I might have found out how to do it by now.

Sleeping tablets worked great: the first night. The first time I ever took a sleeping tablet I was told to take it a half hour before going to bed and I literally had to crawl up the stairs fifteen minutes later. I slept like a baby right through the night and woke up a full 8 hours later to the sound of my alarm. That night I took another tablet and half an hour later was still wide awake. An hour later I was still wide awake. I barely got any sleep at all that night. The next night I took two tablets and fell asleep after a couple of hours worth of tossing and turning, then awoke the next day feeling as though I were drunk. In all, I have had six different types of sleeping tablets from my doctor and not one of them will work for me beyond a night or two.

I do have problems relaxing. It's almost impossible for my brain to 'switch off'. I constantly think about things, overthink them in fact. I find it very difficult to sit and watch television even; I usually find that I have to be doing something else at the same time, be that writing, drawing or, working at the computer. I have a drawer full of relaxation CDs, some just music, other guided relaxation. Again they will work perhaps the first few nights, but once I know them and know what is coming next, my mind drifts off onto thinking about the type of things that keep me awake.

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